Stilettos or Savings

Money, Love, and Confidence — Lessons from the Other Side

By 25, I had already lived a few lives — figure skater, sorority girl, soldier, newbie world traveler. I’d gone from sequins to camo, college parties to convoys.

I’d been raised by a single mom who did what she had to — shifting credit card balances from one introductory rate to the next, playing department store discount roulette just to keep the lights on and the holidays magical. She did her best. But no one ever taught me how to build wealth — just how to stretch a dollar and survive.

If the girl in that Baghdad tent could hear me now, here’s what I’d tell her next:

3. You are allowed to want more.

You deserve more than just making it through. You deserve more than to just scrape by. Expect better and demand it.

You don’t have to feel guilty for craving beauty, comfort, or abundance. You can be high-maintenance because you maintain yourself. And you’re allowed to dream in full color, not just grayscale.

4. Trust yourself — especially when no one else does.

There will be a season when you’re completely untethered — living alone for the first time, without roommates, or help. It’ll be just you, your paycheck, and the quiet clarity that comes with building a life from scratch.

And that version of you? She’ll figure out budgeting, investing, and making her money work. She’ll stop outsourcing financial decisions and start calling the shots. Confidence will grow and flourish.

5. You don’t need permission to start over.

Not from your past, not from your paycheck, not from anyone.

You’re allowed to pivot. To quit the plan you outgrew. To start again — smarter, bolder, and more self-aware. Starting over isn’t failure. It’s how you find yourself and become happier and more confident.

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You’ll outgrow the tent. You’ll build wealth on your own terms. You’ll trade MREs for homemade waffles, porta-potties for jacuzzi tubbing, and that M-16 for a closet full of high heels and a retirement account that earns interest so you can support yourself and all those dreams.

And you’ll be proud — not just of what you survived, but of who you became because of it.